Friday, 28 January 2011

Moving again.

Unfortunately after some consideration, I've decided to move to tumblr. There's nothing wrong with blogger/blogspot. It just didn't offer me what I needed. So now you can find me and my posts at:

Salutations and good luck.

I'm no superman.

I don't want to be. I mean, who wants to prance around saving the world in a red and blue lycra suit? For one, it's tacky and two, I'd prefer to be a little more discreet. More catwoman's costume than superman's.

But if I could have one super power I'd choose to be able to split myself into infinite versions of myself. It would make life so much easier. I'd be able to get so much work done whilst getting enough sleep, getting enough money AND getting enough partying in. I'd also be able to be with more than one guy. Not in a polygamous sense or a cheating sense. I wouldn't swap my versions around. Do you ever get that? Been with someone who makes you totally happy safe and everything but still am ridiculously curious about how it would be with another person? I blame it on the fact I'm still only 20. It's not a particularly wise age. I'd hardly say I've settled down.

I know for a fact I like what I have and wouldn't risk it. But I also am a little horrified at the possibility that that's it. I'm never going to be with anyone else. Part of me doesn't mind as such. I want to end up with him anyway. But at the end of the day I don't really have much experience with guys and I know it's not majorly important but I don't want to be one of those people who are in their 40s, and find that they've missed out on what they should've done 20 years ago. Sometimes life is just hard.

He is making me think of all the things I didn't really think I would think of though. It's not me at all. I've never been one of those girls that plan their weddings as a child or even write their names with their crushes surname. I laugh at those type of girls. But if he could see in my head some of the thoughts I've had recently, I'm sure he'd run a mile. I would. Especially when it comes to the children part. I used to want kids. Nowadays, not so much and he's not keen on them either. But when I'm with him I can't help but just think how beautiful our babies are or whatever. It's really creepy. WHO AM I TURNING INTO???

I'm actually horrifying myself. I'm too young to be feeling like this.

On a more realistic note. I'm off to Birmingham in a few hours. Yaaay! And so begins the epic weekend. =] I cannot wait. My bag's are packed, somewhat. My life is somewhat in order. Now all that's left is just to make me feel a bit more in order. Bath time? At 1.30pm? I sure think so.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Life Today

Yesterday was really tiring. Solid 9-5, got home, cooked chilli, rested for a short time and then did tutorial until 1am just so it was done for today. I have been productive though. I've also now done a covering letter. Just need Tashy to look at it now and then I can send it off and feel better for having done one more placement application.

I can't believe it's Thursday tomorrow. It feels like the last week has just been a blur.

Planned a date with him next weekend. I can't wait. =]

Although every part of me knows I could do with weekend being free, I'm very excited about going down to Birmingham. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I get to see my best friend Hana and then see James on Saturday. Watch this space for photos we're doing. Or supposedly. I hope I don't bring down a big bag of odd items of clothing for nothing. Hahaha. I doubt it.

Tomorrow is my emptiest day, having only a lecture at 9 and then nothing for the rest of the day. I'm so tempted to not go. The lecture isn't even that great... No! You must be a good girl Louisa! 100% attendance this semester remember!

Writing up Jitsu minutes... Fun times. It better look good on my CV. POW!

Monday, 24 January 2011

Back to Life

So after three consecutive nights of heavy drinking, each one resulting in more... interesting antics than the last, term starts again with an amazing start. I miss my first lecture of the year. Well done Louisa. Haha. Luckily they're only introductory usually the first ones and this one is an overview of the module and the mental disorders we're covering the medication for. So overall not too bad. Although, heavy workload for the rest of the week. 7 hour lab tomorrow with a seminar scheduled in the middle. How are we even supposed to do that? Split ourselves in two? I almost slightly felt like Hermione in the third HP book where she has that time-turner thingymijig. But of course I'm not that cool.

Also was incredibly horrified at something I only realised this morning and my stupidity for realising it this late. I changed course from Medical Science to Pharmacology last year and up until now I've had the same modules as all my Medical Science friends but this term we all have different ones and I only realised this morning that I won't have my normal lab partner (who despite being small and annoying, is actually quite useful and we work well together in labs). It was a sad sad moment. Ah well. Making new friends time!

My washing machine keeps turning itself off. FUCK YOU WASHING MACHINE! Despite being a student, the novelty of having clean clothes every so often hasn't worn off yet.

I also have a new love. Taramasalata. Mmmmm. So fishily goooood. At the moment I have a weird thing for taramasalata spread on bread like jam and a runny poached egg on top in the morning. As weird as it sounds, it's fucking immense.

I have a workbook to complete for Wednesday. Woop woop... My tutorials sound interesting... And horrific at the same time...

And so, life begins again.

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Drunken Drunkard

I've started on the vodka already. On pretty much an empty stomach. Dinner's in the oven. Tonight is going to be epic.
I'm going to be drunkedy drunk drunk!!! Woop!

Monday, 17 January 2011


As of 10.52 this morning, my exams are OVER! AND I have a whole week off before lectures begin. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I even bought myself a new camera as a reward cos my old one had been dropped too many times and now is all blurry (it's also a crappy Japanese make). So now, I have a nice shiny new Kodak that takes beautiful photos and actually makes me look good in photos which is always nice.

Here are a few:

^ Here's me today ^

^ Here's me with my new fit camera (that also matched my laptop) ^

^ And here's some sake I have in my room. Mmmmm. ^

Had a fantastic chat with James today. Just sending each other pictures of hot female celebrities. Maybe it's the fact I've only had 5 hours sleep, or just simply because I like seeing hot girls, but that was fun. Hehe.

Jitsu tonight... Woo... Let's KICK ASS!!

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Can't catch a break

Exam on Friday went quite good. After 4 hours sleep (sleep deprivation), I spent the rest of the day in an impeccable mood. It was a lovely day.

I'm still sleep deprived. The guy I love, who finally loves me back, but I can't be with at the moment (it's complicated - I never realised how complex relationships could be) is going to be moving away soon. To be fair, when we were still together, he told me his plans were to move away by January. But still. It's always hard. And he's one of my best friends. Who I talk to when I'm upset. I'm at ease when I'm with him, happy, secure and I miss like crazy when I'm not with him.

I just can't catch a break.

Sometimes, too often actually, I find myself wishing I was older. I like to think I'm mature for my age. And it just doesn't feel right occasionally only being two decades old. Ah well, it all comes in time doesn't it?

Right. One more day of revision, and one more exam. Goodo.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011


That was pretty goddamn awful. Not gonna lie.

I also feel very light-headed and headachey. Eugh. Ah well, two down. Two to go. Also jitsu tonight. I could do with a night off but I've been made temporary treasurer... Oh well. With great power comes great responsibility... Except. Where's my power????

Monday, 10 January 2011


I'm in a fucking awesome mood. I stayed up until 3.15am last night making notes and then woke up this morning at 10am. I learnt that I can't deal with less than 7 hours sleep. I was still in such a good mood this morning. Still am. This morning I was just dancing and singing, in the shower, in my underwear, after I got dressed. It did worry me a little to be in such a good mood before an exam but I was still in too good a mood to care really.

Exam went as well as I could've hoped for really. I understood pretty much all that was going on and had a good idea as to what the answers were so I'm happy. Slightly dreading Wednesday but should be okay no?

Right now, I feel like I could do anything. And I love this feeling so so much.

Jitsu tonight. Fuck yes.

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Love Is Blind

And stupid. And idiotic. And masochistic. Oh so masochistic.

I'm so blissfully happy right now. And content that the world could end and I probably would be okay with it. It's so wrong how a person can be so influential in your state of happiness. But when you love someone you run the risk of getting hurt in exchange for all the wonderful feelings they give. Safe, secure, content, warm and happy.

I don't know what goes through his mind sometimes. And his timing is utterly awful. But yesterday evening to today has been somewhat hard to believe. My mind know it's so illogical and unwise to do so but my heart is just so strong. I guess having dealt with being dumped twice already means I could probably handle a third one if it happens right?
Even seeing this typed out in words sounds so fucking stupid. But he makes me so happy that I can't help but think it's worth it. I'm such a sucker.
If he blows it this time, I don't think he'll be able to salvage it. Not even our friendship. I hope he knows that.

I've had way too much distractions over the past two days. I've done a fairly small amount of revision for my exam tomorrow. Luckily it's at 2.30pm so I still have time and it's an exam on the module of experiments we've done over the last term so hopefully it'll be easy-ish to remember because I'm a good kinetic learner? Let's hope so. It's not proving to be ghastly so far so fingers crossed. I'm dreading revision for my exams on Wednesday and Friday though, they're the ones I've been revising for over the Christmas holidays and involves writing two essays as well as MCQs. Now THEY'RE going to be ghastly.

I like that word. Ghastly. It's so posh that it sounds like I'm taking the piss of posh people. Haha.

Wish me luck guys. I think there's a long night of revision ahead...

Saturday, 8 January 2011

A Friend In Need Is a Friend Indeed

I don't think I'd be able to be how I am today without my friends being there for me.

Something really annoyed me when I got back to Leeds and I think I've ranted to... about six friends at least now. I still don't find it any better but I feel so much better for it. Just to know there are people on your side no matter what. I also know that they would tell me if I was being irrational and pathetic and I love them for it. I love for being able to tell me without pissing me off.

But honestly, I really hate people who are just so self-important that they act like they could never do anything wrong. I know I'm far from perfect. But at least I can handle being told criticism without getting all defensive and unpleasant about it. Some people are just ridiculous... But I'll take it as a lesson to learn about the different types of people.

Right, onto with revision now. Now that I've cleaned out the fridge, toilet and bath. Tomorrow, sweeping and mopping the floors.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

Pack Up, Get Gone

Right, so that's me packed. A medium sized (which is on the large size) suitcase and a travel bag. And for a one-way journey to Tunbridge Wells is a large bag of clothes I don't want any more that I'm handing over to Hana. I'm currently hoping some kind soul will give me a lift into Tunbridge Wells. I doubt it. But it's nice to hope.

Also at the moment debating whether to take my lolita costume with me to university. Oh the fun I could have! Hahahaha. I'm definitely taking the hat with me. It's cute. So are the cuffs.

Right, after flouncing around in it for quite a while, I've somehow managed to squeeze it into my suitcase. I was talking to the suitcase whilst doing it. 'Do it for me... This is good! There are times in life where we need to overstretch ourselves... in your case it's not so much of a metaphor. But it's only when we overstretch ourselves that we know where our true limits are!'. It worked like a dream. The suitcase is now waiting sleepily in the corner. Somewhat like I was after I stuffed myself on Christmas Day.

Right buses and trains which are my obstacle and carriers to Leeds. Let's make it a good one.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

The Point

Does everyone have this? This thing I call The Point. It happens when you spend a long time trying to do or achieve something, for example, revision. And you're all enthusiastic at first and then gradually it wears you out. Until you hit The Point. When suddenly you realise you don't actually care for what you're doing any more.
I can feel myself just about to hit it, and I'm not sure it's a good idea given my first exam is in five days. I'm counting down now.

I just had a look at the paper from last January and I'm half thinking I'll be okay, and half thinking I'm going to scrap a 2.2 at best. Essays aren't my forte. But they're definitely the better option compared to MCQs (multiple choice questions). But for me, I don't know if it's because I lack the knowledge to put into my essays or because simply I just condense things alot or because I have small hand-writing. But I can never seem to write more than two pages. And apparently ideally it should be three sides. ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I'm so stressed.

You know how I know? Because I'm restless and I find it hard to sleep. My mind goes at 100mph just thinking of different things. I found myself thinking about something to do with the basal ganglia last night and had to mentally slap myself to stop so I could catch some sleep. I'm so ready for that break now. I'm not sure humans are meant to cope with continually mentally striving for more than two to three months at a time. Or at least I'm not used to it.

I bought a set of underwear online on Christmas Day. Still hasn't arrived yet. I'm leaving on Friday. Damn you New Look and Royal Mail!!

Monday, 3 January 2011


Just watched Happy Feet and I feel much better.

Haven't done much today. Not even revision. Fuck.

I think I'm going to jitsu on Wednesday. I can't wait to get back. And then back to Leeds on Friday. Woop.
Gotta slog two more weeks and then I'll be free for a week. Come on! Lemme at it!

Sunday, 2 January 2011

Reminiscent Of My Teenage Years

The copious number of hours I spent in my bedroom was sometimes spent just taking photos of myself and then playing around with the image on photoshop. I'm not only vain, I was also a GCSE art student. I'm just not hugely talented at drawing. Photography is something I've always aspired to do and still do. I love holding a camera and taking of things that take place, how they affect their surroundings and how it all works together.

Here's a few photos that didn't make the cut to be my photo of the start of 2011, I've now modified them with the one that did make the cut giving them different feels and what not:

New Year, New Start

So they say.

To me it doesn't feel an awful lot different. Just that my body feels like it's taken a lot more damage since last year, I feel so much more middle age than I've ever done (I will explain), and just emotionally exhausted.

I'm not entirely sure what my New Year's Resolutions are. I'm not sure I want to make any. I know where I want to be and what to do to get there. So I guess the only two things I will advise myself for this year is to a) never take my eyes off my goal and b) never lose my sense of self.

I've had a very good weekend thanks to Tashy and her family. It's nice to take a break from here once in a while and I think visiting Tashy was exactly what I needed. New Year's Eve was spent getting ready and incredibly drunk before we headed out to central London to realise that we had no chance of entering the clubs which were asking for £40 entry fee minimum. We then watched the fireworks on the big screen in Trafalgar Square in the company of two gentlemen snorting some sort of illegal substance or other. Politely declined when they offered and then started heading home. Meeting a band of increasingly drunk Polish people for whom the novelty of shouting 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' out of the tube doors every time they opened never seemed to waiver. It was indeed an eventful New Year's Eve.

New Year's Day was spent unhungover, headed out into Kingston to do a spot of shopping before going to see Tron in 3D. Tashy and I discovered how middle aged we actually were when we went into a department store and wanted everything from Smeg fridges to coffee machines to clocks to bedlinen... etc.etc. Although, the desire of obtaining the bedlinen and towels was mainly me and I blame the fact I used to work in the bedlinen and towel section of a department store.
Tron was epic. Absolutely epic. Brilliant graphics, thrilling (enough) plot, believable acting - especially from the main character and an amazingly soundtrack from Daft Punk. Although it did channel Stars Wars a bit.

My friend James is doing a 365 project where he's taking a photo everyday for the next 365 days. And today's picture is a very nice photo of him.
Here's a photo of me and how I look like today, at the start of 2011.

Because you never know, I might have a face full of tattoos this time next year in 2012...

Footnote: The background picture is indeed my own. It's the sunset of a beach in Newquay (I forget which) in 2009