Thursday 16 December 2010

Failure

I'm not one to brag, but I've always been pretty academically gifted. I'm not usually top of the class, but one of those people who near the top of the class. Education-wise, I don't think I've done too badly thus far really. My mother wasn't really happy with my GCSEs and I wasn't really happy with my A-levels. Somewhere inside though I believe I can get that top mark. Whether it be the 4 As at A-level or a 1st at university, there's this burning belief in me that I can do it. But time and time again I have been proved wrong. I'm starting to doubt whether this belief is justified.

The term that's just passed has possibly been the most trying few months that I can remember. In terms of pressure from university, relationships, ex-flatmates, parents, future etc.etc.etc all combined. I think during that time I cried enough amount of fluid to fill up the fish tank in Sea World. Mmmm... Tears... And recently all the marks I've got as feedback for my progess this year hasn't been encouraging. I thought 58 for my lab report (which I spent two and a half weeks on solid) was bad... until today when I found out I actually failed my test from last week.

I've never failed anything before.

Apart from my driving test but that's not something academic. And it's left me in a prolonged state of shock. I'm starting to genuinely be scared for the completion of my degree. True the test was only worth 30% of my module mark, so it's not all over yet. But on the other hand, 30% is still quite damaging and I would've liked to have that safety netting when I walked into my exam in January...

Breathe Louisa.

That fail, will be my first and last. I'll make sure of it.

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