Suffering Bouts Of Cabin Fever

I just really need a big hug.

I don't like holidays. Especially Christmas. It used to be alright in secondary school, seeing my friends up until the few days before Christmas and then essentially a two week holiday. Which I miss. I miss everything about being 18. It was definitely my best year yet.
Now, Christmas is all about coming home, being stuck inside for a week with the intent of doing lots of revision (instead doing lots of procrastination which doesn't exactly help with stress or just anything positive), being snowed in so that my plans for the first time since I've come back are ruined as I can't physically get out of my little crappy town. At least by public transport. There's no fucking way I'm going to walk 8 miles in the snow. And I could ask my father who's already so burdened down by stress of his own problems that he felt the need the other day to tell me very explicitly that my problems are no where as stressful as his are. Maybe they're not but he doesn't know the whole story. I certainly don't need that sort of talk from my father. If you're thinking my mother might provide some comfort, don't even waste your action potentials. The first thing she said when she first saw me last Saturday when I got back was 'Hi. We're giving the dog away.'. Fantastic. Nice to see you too Mother.
My family is so wonderful. Really really makes me so happy that I'm here.

I'd like to point out that I get really bad cabin fever. In Leeds, I don't think since the first month of uni, I've ever spent a whole week sleeping in my own bed. Not to say that I engage in promiscuous sexual activity frequently, but I'll be out, about, round a friend's, round my boyfriend's (at the time). I have just spent, every day since last Saturday, inside this house, with my activities ranging from walking the dog, cooking, looking after my ill brother, studying a little and procrastinating a lot. It's felt like a very long day. But hey, at least I'm one week closer to going home right?

I'm jealous of what everyone else has. A nice big family Christmas meal where all your extended family comes over too. That uncle who always gets hideously drunk and starts shouting at everything, the grandfather who snoozes quietly in the corner, the younger cousins who create their own fantasy worlds to ignore the grown-ups, the grown-ups who chatter away to themselves to ignore the children, dad being really embarrassing with his jokes and all that, that cousin who's just a little bit weird and you've never really known how to react to his jokes. When people talk about these things they always talk about it with a tone of as if it's a chore. But I'm jealous and will openly admit it. I don't like missing out on these things.
It's always nice when you go back to Hong Kong and visit your family what with all the attention ('oh how much you've grown!', 'my, you've grown so fast!') and the money to spend whilst you're there and what not. But after a while you just feel like a novelty. And the fun of novelties pass away and when they do, there isn't any solid relationship we can fall back on to proceed any types of interaction.
It's hard to miss weddings and funerals.

Sorry for the slightly depressing post. Christmas tends to get me this way. Especially when I'm snowed in. Fucking snow.