ARGH!

That was pretty goddamn awful. Not gonna lie.

I also feel very light-headed and headachey. Eugh. Ah well, two down. Two to go. Also jitsu tonight. I could do with a night off but I've been made temporary treasurer... Oh well. With great power comes great responsibility... Except. Where's my power????

HOOHA!

I'm in a fucking awesome mood. I stayed up until 3.15am last night making notes and then woke up this morning at 10am. I learnt that I can't deal with less than 7 hours sleep. I was still in such a good mood this morning. Still am. This morning I was just dancing and singing, in the shower, in my underwear, after I got dressed. It did worry me a little to be in such a good mood before an exam but I was still in too good a mood to care really.

Exam went as well as I could've hoped for really. I understood pretty much all that was going on and had a good idea as to what the answers were so I'm happy. Slightly dreading Wednesday but should be okay no?

Right now, I feel like I could do anything. And I love this feeling so so much.

Jitsu tonight. Fuck yes.

Love Is Blind

And stupid. And idiotic. And masochistic. Oh so masochistic.

I'm so blissfully happy right now. And content that the world could end and I probably would be okay with it. It's so wrong how a person can be so influential in your state of happiness. But when you love someone you run the risk of getting hurt in exchange for all the wonderful feelings they give. Safe, secure, content, warm and happy.

I don't know what goes through his mind sometimes. And his timing is utterly awful. But yesterday evening to today has been somewhat hard to believe. My mind know it's so illogical and unwise to do so but my heart is just so strong. I guess having dealt with being dumped twice already means I could probably handle a third one if it happens right?
Even seeing this typed out in words sounds so fucking stupid. But he makes me so happy that I can't help but think it's worth it. I'm such a sucker.
If he blows it this time, I don't think he'll be able to salvage it. Not even our friendship. I hope he knows that.

I've had way too much distractions over the past two days. I've done a fairly small amount of revision for my exam tomorrow. Luckily it's at 2.30pm so I still have time and it's an exam on the module of experiments we've done over the last term so hopefully it'll be easy-ish to remember because I'm a good kinetic learner? Let's hope so. It's not proving to be ghastly so far so fingers crossed. I'm dreading revision for my exams on Wednesday and Friday though, they're the ones I've been revising for over the Christmas holidays and involves writing two essays as well as MCQs. Now THEY'RE going to be ghastly.

I like that word. Ghastly. It's so posh that it sounds like I'm taking the piss of posh people. Haha.

Wish me luck guys. I think there's a long night of revision ahead...

A Friend In Need Is a Friend Indeed

I don't think I'd be able to be how I am today without my friends being there for me.

Something really annoyed me when I got back to Leeds and I think I've ranted to... about six friends at least now. I still don't find it any better but I feel so much better for it. Just to know there are people on your side no matter what. I also know that they would tell me if I was being irrational and pathetic and I love them for it. I love for being able to tell me without pissing me off.

But honestly, I really hate people who are just so self-important that they act like they could never do anything wrong. I know I'm far from perfect. But at least I can handle being told criticism without getting all defensive and unpleasant about it. Some people are just ridiculous... But I'll take it as a lesson to learn about the different types of people.

Right, onto with revision now. Now that I've cleaned out the fridge, toilet and bath. Tomorrow, sweeping and mopping the floors.

Pack Up, Get Gone

Right, so that's me packed. A medium sized (which is on the large size) suitcase and a travel bag. And for a one-way journey to Tunbridge Wells is a large bag of clothes I don't want any more that I'm handing over to Hana. I'm currently hoping some kind soul will give me a lift into Tunbridge Wells. I doubt it. But it's nice to hope.

Also at the moment debating whether to take my lolita costume with me to university. Oh the fun I could have! Hahahaha. I'm definitely taking the hat with me. It's cute. So are the cuffs.

Right, after flouncing around in it for quite a while, I've somehow managed to squeeze it into my suitcase. I was talking to the suitcase whilst doing it. 'Do it for me... This is good! There are times in life where we need to overstretch ourselves... in your case it's not so much of a metaphor. But it's only when we overstretch ourselves that we know where our true limits are!'. It worked like a dream. The suitcase is now waiting sleepily in the corner. Somewhat like I was after I stuffed myself on Christmas Day.

Right buses and trains which are my obstacle and carriers to Leeds. Let's make it a good one.

The Point

Does everyone have this? This thing I call The Point. It happens when you spend a long time trying to do or achieve something, for example, revision. And you're all enthusiastic at first and then gradually it wears you out. Until you hit The Point. When suddenly you realise you don't actually care for what you're doing any more.
I can feel myself just about to hit it, and I'm not sure it's a good idea given my first exam is in five days. I'm counting down now.

I just had a look at the paper from last January and I'm half thinking I'll be okay, and half thinking I'm going to scrap a 2.2 at best. Essays aren't my forte. But they're definitely the better option compared to MCQs (multiple choice questions). But for me, I don't know if it's because I lack the knowledge to put into my essays or because simply I just condense things alot or because I have small hand-writing. But I can never seem to write more than two pages. And apparently ideally it should be three sides. ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I'm so stressed.

You know how I know? Because I'm restless and I find it hard to sleep. My mind goes at 100mph just thinking of different things. I found myself thinking about something to do with the basal ganglia last night and had to mentally slap myself to stop so I could catch some sleep. I'm so ready for that break now. I'm not sure humans are meant to cope with continually mentally striving for more than two to three months at a time. Or at least I'm not used to it.
Eeeky.

I bought a set of underwear online on Christmas Day. Still hasn't arrived yet. I'm leaving on Friday. Damn you New Look and Royal Mail!!

Restlessness

Just watched Happy Feet and I feel much better.

Haven't done much today. Not even revision. Fuck.

I think I'm going to jitsu on Wednesday. I can't wait to get back. And then back to Leeds on Friday. Woop.
Gotta slog two more weeks and then I'll be free for a week. Come on! Lemme at it!